Editors note: Today we feature information on Scholarships4Birthmothers, a new non-profit based out of Utah. They are dedicated to helping birthmoms reach their goals in higher education. The following is a message from the founder.
My name is Jessalynn Bills. I placed a sweet baby girl for adoption two years ago. I wanted to find a way to help birth moms get back to college. After you have a baby it can be hard to get back on your feet, so I started Scholarships 4 Birthmothers, a non-profit organization started just for birthmoms!
At the beginning of every semester we will accept applications for the available scholarships which are exclusively for girls who have placed their babies for adoption.
All the funds can be donated to our fund through PayPal and can be made by businesses or individuals. Even if only 100 people each donate $20 this semester, we can give out two $1000 scholarships to two deserving birthmoms.
Everyone who donates will have their name, website link and/or contact information posted on http://scholarships4birthmothers.info/Home.html or it can be done anonymously.
For more information email: birthmothers4adoption@gmail.com
We hear all of the time how many nutrients are in a mother’s breast milk and how healthy it is for a baby. Many birthmothers and adoptive parents want their child to benefit from this as well. This is something that you will discuss with your counselor and with the adoptive parents before the baby is born. Some birthmothers choose to breastfeed the baby while they are in the hospital. Others choose to pump milk for the baby while in the hospital and/or after the baby goes home with the adoptive parents. While there are some emotional aspects to breastfeeding that you should consider (and that your counselor will discuss with you), it is your decision as to whether you want to breastfeed in the hospital. If you plan to pump milk for the baby after you are home from the hospital, your counselor will also help you and the adoptive parents come up with a plan to get the breast milk from your home to the baby.
Are there any legal protections to ensure I can see my baby after the adoption?
A concern of many birthparents considering adoption is whether the adoptive parents will really live up to their promises of openness. Are there legal protections to guarantee this? In California, there is a document called an Adopt 310 that Birthparents and Adoptive Parents sign. It is filed when the adoption is finalized and makes the contact agreement legally binding. This means that if the couple was not living up to the level of contact agreed to in the contract, the birthparents could actually take them to court to have it enforced. The only way that the adoptive parents could deny the contact would be if they felt it was harmful to the child and they would have to prove this in court. But even then, once the birthparents are in a better place in their life and are able to have healthy communications with the child, the contact would continue.
It is also good to remember that even if the adoption is in a state that does not make contact legally binding, an Open Adoption Agreement will still be completed to outline the kind of contact that all parties feel most comfortable with. Couples who choose to pursue an Open Adoption do so because they feel it is in the best interest of their child and they will honor the contact that everyone agrees to even if it’s not backed up by the law.
The amount of time it takes to complete an open adoption varies from family to family. When a prospective birthparent contacts the Independent Adoption Center (IAC) looking to make an adoption plan for their baby they are sent a packet of family profiles we call “Dear Birthmother Letters”. From these letters they will pick the families they are most interested in getting to know better. So as prospective adoptive parents you will be receiving both emails and phone calls from these women where you will get to know more about them and why they are placing their child for adoption. Because it is impossible for us to predict when you will meet the birthparent you will ultimately adopt from, we are not able to give you an exact wait time. What we can tell you, is that on average the amount of time that prospective adoptive parents wait at the IAC prior to adopting is 6 to 18 months.
How will I know if I am choosing the right adoptive parents for my baby?
Choosing who will be the parents of your child is an enormous decision for most birthmothers. The IAC has all kinds of families that have gone through extensive screening who are now waiting to adopt. When you begin to make an adoption plan, one of the first steps will be looking at all of the families that fit you and your baby’s profile. You may also have some ideas about what types of adoptive parents you are interested in. Your intake counselor will help you narrow down your top choices and you will have the opportunity to talk with and meet these families before you decide. Many birthmothers say that they just “know” when they meet the right family for their baby. This may be based on common interests, where they live, whether they have other children or not, the way that they look, or just their personality. Often it is a combination of many of these things and more! You can take as much time as you need to make this decision, and we will be there for you to listen to your feelings and talk you through the process.
I’m not 18 yet, what are my parent’s rights when it comes to placing my baby for adoption? Do they need to consent? Can they place the baby if I don’t want them to?
Birth Grandparents (your parents) do not have any legal rights when it comes to your baby. They are not able to place your baby for adoption without your consent. Nor can they prevent you from placing your baby for adoption. This is true regardless of how old you are or what state you live in. If you need help or assistance in telling your parents about your pregnancy or your adoption plans the counselors at the Independent Adoption Center can help. We have worked with many women who are afraid of telling their parents and have helpful tips on how to talk to them about adoption for the first time.
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We talk a lot about the emotions (happy and sad) that go into placing a child for adoption. For many the relinquishment is a bittersweet moment. It is the part of the legal process when birthparents relinquish their legal rights as parents to the adoptive parent(s) they chose. This process is emotional and birthparents will talk extensively with their counselors about it. All the counselors at IAC are sensitive to the process and want to make sure each birthparent takes the time they need to understand the permanent decision they make when placing a child for adoption.
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As counselors, we are used to dealing with many different kinds of birthfather situations. Sometimes a birthmother knows him well, and sometimes she doesn’t. Sometimes, there is more than one possible birthfather. This isn’t something to feel embarrassed about – it happens more often than you think! What’s most important is that you tell us the whole truth and give us any information that you have about the birthfather(s). Read more »
In order to protect you, your rights as your child’s mother cannot be taken away until after your child is born. No one expects you to know exactly how you will feel when the baby is born and your counselor would never want you to feel pressured into making a decision that is not right for you and your baby.
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Birthparents and adoptive parents experience many different feelings at the hospital. This time is hard, powerful, and often results in birthparents and adoptive parents reaching new heights in their relationship. Each person and each match is so unique it is usually hard to predict these feelings. The beauty of open adoption is that birthparents and adoptive parents build a loving and supportive relationship with each other before arriving at the hospital. You will know each other’s faces, voices and personalities. There will be no strangers.
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