It’s a big question to ask yourself–should I place my baby for adoption? When you are confronted with an unplanned pregnancy, however you choose to ‘deal with it’ will affect you forever. For many potential birthmothers it’s the most life altering decision they have ever made. This was definitely the case for me. At sixteen, I had never had to make such a serious decision as the one I made when I chose to place my son for adoption. Though truthfully, (for me) it was the EASIEST difficult decision I have ever made.
Adoption isn’t for everyone. Although I know that placing my son for adoption was the perfect decision for me, I realize that we each have a unique path. I have friends who have had unplanned pregnancies at young ages that made different decisions. Some of them aborted, more than once. I knew a girl who had had three different abortions and it didn’t bother her at all. That was her path. But one of my other friends had also had three abortions and it did bother her, it hurt her and maybe that wasn’t what her path was supposed to be. She is now parenting a son and recently admitted to me that she was sad she had chosen this path, she wishes she had placed. It’s a hard thing to realize you are in over your head. I grieve for her often. I have another friend who not only decided to parent but also married the father. They now live in a cute apartment in Irvine. He works a great job; she stays home with their amazingly brilliant three-year-old and their life is full of love and joy. Different paths.
When I was weighing the pros and cons of placing my son for adoption a lot of clear things came into place for me. I was young, still in high school and had plans for college. I also didn’t have a job, didn’t have a driver’s license and didn’t have a clue. The birthfather, while being a nice guy, was even more clueless than me and wholly less competent. Looking back, I realize that we would have made each other miserable trying to co-parent. Luckily my parents saw that there was another option and told me about adoption. I had no idea what an open adoption might look like, but with the idea of raising a child looming above my head, I felt like it might be the best next step.
Open adoption has so much heart. To me it seemed like a win-win-win. I would get the joy of being a teenager and going on with my life exactly as I had planned (job, car, college, life, love, marriage THEN kids). The adoptive family would be able to grow and to raise a baby all their own. And the baby would enjoy the freedom of not having been unplanned and the joy that comes with being a part of a family that wanted nothing more than to raise him. How could I not shout ‘Yes’ from the mountaintops?!
Even with all the sorrow that I held in my heart through the nine months of pregnancy it was always overshadowed by joy. I was sad that I wouldn’t be getting to parent my son. I have always wanted to be a mother and still stare longingly at babies around me. But I knew that it wasn’t the right time for me; there were too many opportunities I might miss out on if I kept him! If I hadn’t placed him, my life would not be as amazing as it is now…I know that! For my friend with her baby and family in Irvine, I know that her life is exactly how it should be. And she loves every second of it. She’s a wonderful mom and they are a wonderful family. Their joy is overflowing.
So I guess you are still wondering, “Is adoption right for me?” The truth is…yes…or…no. The truth is whatever is true for you. As I said, it’s a hard decision. But, the right decision, regardless of what your friends or family or even the birthfather say, it is a decision that is yours. A birthmother has to look at the situation from all sides and really feel what is right. A birthmother knows that even though it hurts, her gut is pointing her in the right direction. Parenting is the right decision. So is placing. Because as I said, different paths for different people. No matter the decision, just make sure it’s right for you.
