Birthmother’s Day and Other Important Days

By Annie Larkin | Published May 4, 2011

Birthmother's Day 2011Birthmother’s Day is the day before Mother’s Day. This year it’s on this Saturday, May 7, 2011. As a birthmother, anniversaries and special holidays related to your adoption may bring up feelings you had when you decided to place. And, it is important that you know you are not alone and that these feelings are natural. You may feel empty and sad, even angry, while at the same time full of love and at peace with your decision to place your child for adoption.

So, whatever you do on your special day, remember that your experience is unique and that you are free to feel however you feel. Some birthmothers may want to spend time with the adoptive family and others may want to be alone or hang out with family and/or friends.

I’ve put together a couple ideas to help you prepare for the time surrounding the holidays and anniversaries related to your adoption. I hope they are helpful to you.

Meaningful ways to express yourself
and to process your feelings:

  • Talking or writing in a journal
  • Take a walk, jog or sit in a park
  • Take a hot bath and/or read a book
  • Listen to your favorite music
  • Spending quality time with friends and family

These are all activities that can help you relax, reflect and rejuvenate your mind and body. You may do none of these things, you may do one, or you may do many, but it is your day to take care of you!

Ideas for writing:

  • Journal about the year(s) and the feelings you have experienced, both recently and throughout the adoption process. You can also, think about the changes you have made in your own life because of this experience.
  • Write a letter to the child you love and placed. Let he or she know how and why you chose open adoption and that you love he or she. Tell them about the good things that are happening in your life and anything that you have left unsaid until now.
  • Speak with someone you trust. Tell them to listen not comment or advise Tell this person about what the year has been like for you. Cry, smile and laugh together.
  • Read. This can be anything that offers meaning to you (a novel, short story or poem). Maybe even something you wrote at the time you placed.
Permanent link.

  • http://profiles.google.com/katelyn.krum88 Katelyn Krum

    great ideas! My first birth mothers day and mothers day were actually spent with my daughter in the hospital before I placed her into her mothers arms. The days hold a special place in my heart and I hope they do for all birth mothers.

  • http://www.iheartadoption.org Sarah Bryson

    That’s really cool Katelyn. Thank you for sharing.

  • zoe

    I gave my baby to a couple in early december of 2010. I had been having problems with the adoption from the beginning but today was the worst. I did NOT get any call, text, e-mail, or card from my adoptive parents or from the agency for birthmothers day or mothers day. That didn’t feel right to me so today I texted my adoptive parents and asked if next year if they could contact me in any way (Just to maybe say thank you for bringing this wonderful life to us. I was thinking to myself). But instead they told me that they would not allow my son to recognize me as a mother because they want to be mom and dad. I understand that and have no problem with that but they are two men. There is no mother to take my place in that equation. All I wanted was a call. I wasn’t expecting my 5 mouth old baby to get on the phone and demand that he live with me and think of me as his day by day care taker. I called the agency and all they could do was defend my adoptive parents. The agency told me that when an adoptive parent finely gets a child they become so protective of the baby that they do things such as this. I started to laugh and asked if they were protecting my baby from his own mother who has done nothing but care about the well being of my baby. They did not try to help me or show any care as to how I was feeling at all.

    After I had given birth my adoptive parents and this agency changed for the worse. I would be lying if I said the adoption agency was here to help me.

    “Life is a journey and just like falling in love for the first time we are looking to fink out perfect match that will provide us a child and MOTHER CONNECTION that we will keep forever.”
    This is a quote from my adoptive parents page. I know that the agency helps write the adoptive parents pages but the mother connection they talked about with me is nothing like the connection I have.

  • http://www.adoptionhelp.org Ann Wrixon

    Hi Zoe,

    I am sorry to hear about this. Your agency should be able to help you. Please call them. If you are an IAC alumni, please email me at: awrixon@adoptionhelp.org. You can also call me at 925-827-2229 x 101
    .

    Best, Ann

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