How do I even begin to look for an adoption agency?
Many women are only thinking about adoption when they first reach out to an agency. There are so many questions to ask before you can know if adoption is the right choice for you and your baby. Most women find our agency through Internet searches or through referrals from a medical clinic like Planned Parenthood. An agency should never tell you that adoption is the right thing to do. A good agency should help you by explaining all your choices and answering your questions in a non-directive manner.
Will I still be able to see my child?
Yes, if you work with an agency who encourages fully-open adoptions, your plan for ongoing contact will include visits with the adoptive family. You will be able to see your child grow up and tell your child how much love went into your decision. In fully-open adoptions, the adoptive family wants the birthmother to stay in their lives as an extended relative. They believe that it is in their child’s best interest to have a relationship with his or her birthmother so that the child can ask her questions as he or she grows up.
Do I have to give him/her up as soon as I deliver?
At what point you choose to place your child is entirely up to you. Most of the time, the baby is with the birthmother while she is in the hospital. Many times the adoptive parents also spend time with the birthmother and the baby. When it is time for discharge, most women choose to have the baby go home with the adoptive parents. For more reading on what to expect at the hospital, read “How will I feel at the hospital?”
Should the adoptive parents come to my delivery?
Only if you want them to.
Does it cost anything to me?
No.
Can my family members and relatives adopt?
Yes, but they will need to go through the same approval process that other adoptive parents do. This is called a Home Study, which includes multiple interviews with a social worker, background checks, physicals, employment verification, etc.
Do I have any say in who adopts my child?
Absolutely, in fact a good agency will let you choose from as many potential parents as possible. Having the confidence that you have chosen the people who are meant to be the parents of your baby is extremely important. For information on choosing the right parents read the post, “Choosing the Right Parents”.
What If I change my mind once I have the baby?
That is your choice to make. No legal paperwork is signed before the baby is born or while you are still in the hospital. You have the right to change your mind until your relinquishments are signed and acknowledged by the state. Read “When am I no longer the legal parent of my child?” for more information on relinquishments.
How can I make sure my child does not get placed in a foster home?
Contact an adoption agency while you are still pregnant to ensure that an adoption plan is in place. The county does not want to increase the amount of children in foster care, so as long as a plan is in place, they will not want to interfere.
Do I need an attorney?
Not if you use an adoption agency. Agencies represent both the adoptive parents and birthparents’ interests equally and neither party has an attorney representing them during the placement process. However, in private adoptions, an attorney is retained and represents the best interests of the adoptive parents. Accordingly, the birthmother can request an attorney to ensure that her interests are taken into consideration as well.
When do I tell my child the reasons for their adoption?
Adoptive parents and birthparents should talk about adoption in an age-appropriate way from the very beginning, even before children can understand what the word means. This allows children to grow up feeling comfortable asking questions so they can be proud of their adoption story. They should know that you are their birthmom, that they grew in your tummy, and that you chose their parents for them. That way they never have a memory of “the day they were told they were adopted”.
Are there state laws on adoption?
Yes. Each state has their own set of laws on adoptions. You can look up your state’s laws on the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services website.
When should the adoption process begin?
You can start learning about adoption as early as you would like. No one should pressure you to commit to an adoption plan before you are ready. Ask as many questions as you want and take as much time as you need. For more information on the adoption process, read the post “Pregnant and Considering Adoption”.
What are my rights if I am a minor putting my child up for adoption?
Even if you are a minor, you can place your baby for adoption without the consent of your parents. For information read the post on making an adoption plan while under 18.
Can I still put my baby up for adoption after a couple of years?
Yes. If, after trying to parent, you realize that adoption is in the best interest of you and your baby, you can still make an adoption plan.
I am still unsure about the whole adoption process, why should I do it?
You should be making an adoption plan if you believe it will be in the best interest of your baby. You are the parent of this child, and making an adoption plan is a parenting decision, the most important one you will make. Although it may be helpful to get input from family and friends, the final decision must be yours to make.
What is a home study?
For prospective adoptive parents, the first step is to complete a home study with the agency in order to be approved as adoptive parents. This process includes a series of interviews, criminal clearances, a home inspection, letters of reference, medical exams, proof of employment, etc. The process usually takes about three months.
Are there different types of adoptions?
There are various levels of openness in adoption. In closed adoptions, little to no identifying information is exchanged between the adoptive parents and birthparents and there is no ongoing contact or exchange of information after the placement. In semi-open adoptions, adoptive parents and birthparents usually meet before the birth, but do not have direct contact after the placement. Letters and pictures are exchanged through the agency but there are no visits after the adoption. In fully-open adoptions, the birthparents and adoptive parents communicate directly with each other and the birthmother has ongoing visits with the adoptive family. Many birthparents prefer fully-open adoptions because it allows them to tell their child his or her adoption story directly. By explaining to their child how much love went into the decision, birthparents are reassured that their child will never feel abandoned. Levels of openness vary, but in most fully-open adoptions, birthparents plan to visit a few times a year.
Can I choose which social worker I want to work with? Or are they assigned?
Most of the time a counselor will be assigned to you. However, if you are having trouble feeling comfortable opening up to your counselor, it might be a good idea to request another one. She is there to help you through the process, so it is important that you trust her enough to feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings.
