Hear From Other Women

Katy

It was March of 2002 and I was just a few short months away from graduating High School. I went on a few dates with a guy named Ryan who I met through a college-aged friend. I quickly realized that Ryan wasn’t the guy for me, but not before I got pregnant.

It all started when I began to feel sick. I had missed a few cycles, but I was hoping it was just due to stress. I had not been sexually active before this, nor had any of my close friends, so this was all very new to me. When I went to see my doctor she sent me to have a full blood panel taken. A few days later she called me while I was at a concert with friends. I was in so much denial about the pregnancy that I assumed she was calling to tell me I had AIDS, but instead she told me I was pregnant. She asked how far along I was and I told her I thought I was about 3 months. She told me I needed to get an ultrasound and talk to my mother about what my next step would be.

I went home after the concert and knew that I had to tell my mom. I went into her room and closed the door and told her everything. My mom was wonderful. She was not angry, but very understanding. She called in sick to work the next day and scheduled an emergency ultrasound appointment at the hospital. At the ultrasound they told us it was a boy and that I was 16.2 weeks pregnant. After consulting with my doctor, I was told that I could get an abortion, but after seeing pictures of this perfect baby I never could have gotten an abortion. I knew immediately that adoption was the right choice for me.

I was introduced to a woman named Stephanie who was now married and had her own children, but had placed a baby boy for adoption when she was 21. Stephanie taught me about open adoption and how it allowed her to keep in touch with the adoptive parents through email and receive photos regularly.

I knew I wanted the same situation that Stephanie had. I wanted to choose a family that lived out of state but that was still willing to maintain an ongoing relationship with me. I felt that if he lived close I would want to see him all the time, but if he lived further away I would be forced to move on.

I had trouble finding an agency that fit my needs until I found the IAC. After reading about them online, I knew I had found the right place. I began searching for families on IAC’s website. The first profile that I read belonged to Monica and Rodney who lived near Atlanta. They were both in advertising and were unable to have children of their own. Reading their letter gave me goose bumps. I tried to be rational and read other letters, but none of them felt the same as theirs did. So, I composed a two-page letter telling them all about me and my family, and what I wanted out of the adoption.

We began emailing back and forth and I learned that they wanted to name the baby Grantland. In January they came to visit for a week so that we could get to know each other better. We went to the IAC in Los Angeles and made plans for the day of Grantland’s birth and for future contact. Our plan was for them to send pictures and emails frequently updating my family and me on how he was doing. When he got older he could meet me if he wanted. We also had dinner with Ryan one night so that Monica and Rodney could meet him. I would not say it was the most fun night ever, but I am glad Ryan got to feel like he was a part of it.

Monica and Rodney returned home to Georgia but we kept in contact. On February 25th I went into labor and Monica and Rodney took the first flight from Georgia to Orange County. They made it just in time. Monica joined my mother and my best friend and me in the hospital.

Grantland was born on the 26th and he was just perfect. I had friends and family constantly coming in and out and Monica and Rodney were so gracious about letting my family hold him. Ryan also came to the hospital to see Grantland that day. The night he was born I was unable to sleep and spent the night holding him. When it was time to leave the hospital, I had a really hard time because I had no idea if I would ever see him again. But I did not regret my decision.

Monica and Rodney stayed in town at a hotel until the paperwork was finalized. The night before they left for Georgia my mom and I went to the hotel and got to say goodbye. It was wonderful. It was so nice to see Monica and Rodney so happy and to see that we had all formed a great relationship.

When Grantland was four months old I emailed and asked if they would be comfortable with my mom and me coming for a visit, even though this was not something we had discussed. They said yes and in August, when Grantland was six months old we had our first visit. I got to meet their family and see where they lived and the school he would go to. It made me feel so happy.

Grantland is now 6 years old. I am married and finishing school. My husband and mother and I went back 2 years ago for visit, and they will be bringing him to California soon. Grantland recently did a project in his kindergarten class where he told them all about adoption. With his little southern accent he said, “My mommy’s tummy was broken, so my parents flew to California to get me from Katy’s tummy.”

Choosing open adoption was the best decision I have ever made. Grantland is an amazing child who has an amazing life that I couldn’t provide for him at the time. I feel so lucky to have found Monica and Rodney who are so kind and supportive of me and who are the best parents a child could ask for.