Sam's Story
My Favorite Story to Tell
By Sam Cummings
To tell the most beautiful story of my life, something which holds so precious a spot in my heart, often knocks people back on their heels with surprise. "But wait... you have a son and you gave him up?" is the most common response I get to the brief synopsis, to which I smile at their innocent misunderstanding, and proceed to fill in the cracks with the full story; it is, after all, my favorite story to tell.
Becoming a Father, a dad, was always on the bucket list. However, becoming a College Graduate "Master of Sciences," a Mr. Cummings in my classroom, and a 'Mr. Right' and husband to the perfect girl were supposed to come first. I cannot tell you the overwhelming fear that ensues from such an extreme reality check to my perfect little plan. What was I going to do? I'd love to be a father, but as much as I would like to think of myself as an adult, I'm not sure I'm done growing as a kid yet to be everything this baby needs me to be. We sat and we cried. As weighing our options took its toll on our minds, our emotions, and each-other, the only thing that remained was our love for this baby, and our wish for him to have all the life he deserved that we couldn't possibly give, no matter how hard we tried.
Enter the IAC. The decision to engage in the open adoption process was the first sign of relief that had come in a while. I felt for a long time that 'giving up' my son for adoption was simply not possible, and that the decision to place him with a family was the only acceptable option. Some would argue semantics, and say that 'giving the baby up' and 'placing him' were all-in-all the same, but they cannot understand the peace that comes from choosing someone who doesn't fully replace you, but rather supplements your love in a more stable way.
I love our decision in Mark and Elizabeth. The choice was actually easier than I thought it was going to be, so I found myself trying to logically pull (removed myself) back and weigh the pros and cons because I had built up in my mind that there was no way they were going to be this perfect. I literally had to fight off, in my mind, after our first meeting in January, the urge to tell them to expect another phone call from us with the good news they'd been praying for, just in case it was too early to say it. Subsequent meetings and countless e-mails and phone calls bolstered and reinforced this feeling. My parents met them first just weeks before Kyle was born. My mother said, crying after dinner, "You're giving these people a gift they deserve. These are great people and this gift is going to change their lives, and yours."
Since Kyle's birth it has been nothing but a miracle getting better. Sure, it hurts at times, wouldn't be life if it didn't. But come the end of the day, I wouldn't sacrifice all the pain if it meant one moment of the joy would be lost. No it's not perfect, no matter how much I want it to be. And yes there are days, sometimes weeks, when loneliness gets the best of me, but a simple picture, a happy memory, and the knowledge that my son Kyle is in a loving home with wonderful people who couldn't possible be more prepared for the job of parenting does my heart good. He has four parents, and countless extended family who love him to such an extreme that it overflows that cup which is only supposed to stay either half empty or half full. We always called this 'wasteful love' because you have so much you don't know what to do with it. I see him occasionally when I have time to sneak away from work and school to make the seven-hour drive to their house. The next chance I might have is always on my mind, and I don't intend on letting our closeness and openness fade.
My life goes on, more or less as planned, with one more bonus gem than I had expected. I have one year left at San Diego State University before I complete a Mathematics Degree and enter their Teaching Credential Program. Perhaps I'll take a couple years and teach around the country, or even the world, before settling back down. I wonder what teaching math is like in Australia...or Costa Rica? Wherever I go, I know that I will always be thankful for this open adoption experience I've had, and proud to say that my son is getting more love and support then he could possibly comprehend yet. I wish I could tell the world; it is, after all, my favorite story to tell.
